Exclusion

Throughout the beginning of my project, I researched my own family history. One matter was repeating in all stories and experiences I record: Exclusion.

My family has always worked in the meat industry. It is a tough business, they worked hard in order to feed a big family.

50 years ago people were going to a butcher to get good meat, supermarkets rarely existed. After setting up a party-service the family expanded and the business became more lucrative.

Portait of my mum's family

In the village, everyone knows each other, people talk about each other. Constant tensions and rumours about everyone. My family became wealthier but they still had the same reputation of being "simple" people. They were not expected to be sophisticated or educated. Throughout the years they expanded more and more, moved into a giant house, bought new cars and expensive clothes. The people in the village started talking, were jealous and treated my family really badly.

My grandmother became depressive, tried to kill herself. Combined with unprocessed war traumas this life between luxury and exclusion turned into hell. The same her kids experienced so that my grandmother started to isolate the family in order to protect heir kids. She brought people from all around the world home, so they grew up, in the middle of the most narrow-minded place in Germany, the most exciting and forward-thinking environment.

The following generation followed this tradition. My uncles travel the world through their work, my auntie married men from all over the world and my mother followed her own mother. Bringing the world home to her little castle of inclusion in the middle of Drage (the bourgeois village I grew up in).

This is the story of exclusion in my family. When I asked my mum she told me that it was her goal that we are happy and included everywhere we go. As children we were all struggling in kindergarten and school, being outsiders or beaten up. My little sister is still going through this period. For us, older children it changed as we reached puberty. Being surrounded by amazing people and travelling the world we all found our own more or less isolated place. In Germany or the UK, a village or London.

I've also asked 10 other customers about their experiences related to exclusion. And it was really interesting and helpful everyone so different experiences. Some never experienced exclusions, most of them did, though they don't relate it to personal experiences. Like my auntie who witnessed that a Muslim-Arabic doctor refused to help an Alevi seriously injured. All these responses and audios are documented in my sketchbook.

The most interesting answer I've received was talking to my mum's friend. She said that her biggest fear is to become mentally ill and loose power of her own mind and will. She told me about a friend that went to Amsterdam and did shrooms. He was tripping and imagined being a glass of orange juice. He never got sober again. Ever since locked up in psychiatry, refusing to sit or sleep, in constant fear of spilling some juice.

It inspired me to do a little shooting based on this story. A while ago I found a shooting by Ryan McGinley, enticing visions of a new bohemian coterie. These images suited very much my idea of a psychedelic trip and the orange man's experience since I wanted to capture the constant fear of breaking or falling. For this shoot, I really left my comfort zone as we had to climb on trees and I am afraid of height. This shooting was incredibly  empowering as I know how much research went into it I overcame my fear to portray someone  else's fear. 

Images from the shooting: Hanging orange man 

My favourite image from the shooting (shoot from above, on a tree)